A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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