Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
