i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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