Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
