let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
