I think i peed on brittanys purse
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
