she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
