forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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