I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
