If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
