Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
