I think i peed on brittanys purse
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
should my penis look like a turkey
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
