so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
