I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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