That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
