what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
