Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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