Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
