Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
