Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
