If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
