I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
