I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
