I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
