are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
