dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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