Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
