weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Im part way to drunk.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
