Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Pooping to opera.
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