I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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