I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Less talking, more tequila
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
