hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
