ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
