at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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