took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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