that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
