Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
