I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
