But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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