You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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