Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
