Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
