i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
