butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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