she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
