if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
