woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
