You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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