Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Mom said you looked used
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
