I skipped work to stalk him.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
