Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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