I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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