I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
