His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
